I think in pictures and try to relay them in words. Looking back over the stories I've written, even in college, I would do all I could to build an image in the reader's mind rather than go on and on about what they were thinking. Even in APoS-Derry, there are occasions where I slip into detailed description of something that's happening. (BTW, watch the video without sound. It's got an insipid song laid over it.)
Like when Brendan sees a pack of dogs corner a yellow tom cat in the courtyard of the Rossville Flats, planning to tear it apart. Disgusted, Bren flicks his still lit cigarette down at them, it hits one of the dogs, causing it to yelp, confusing the other dogs, for a moment, and that gives the cat a chance to escape.
That's a movie moment, to me. Difficult to convey in words, even though I try. I know I got a good review about my prose from BookLife, but I don't know how successful it's been in instances like that.
But I've always been that way. Like with a short story I wrote in graduate school about a couple having a fight en route to a political function. I describe the man's breath as so deep and sharp, he's fogging the car's windshield faster than the defroster could stop it. It's raining, and his wife is quietly hissing her words while focusing on the raindrops as they captured the white of approaching headlights and red of brake lights, in front of them. They remind her of blood, and it comes out one of their sons shot himself and their argument is over who's to blame.
She finally gets out of the car and he drives on, and she watches his tail lights seem to shatter when reflected in the downpour. Then she walks home, soaked.
I was trying for an emotional connection, but the professor said I should have delved into each character's mind instead of what they were seeing. Yet, here I am 40 years later, still doing it. I do reveal more of Brendan's inner turmoil in that moment, but is it enough? I don't know.
I just hope I'm getting the meaning of the story across.
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